Conclusion of Blogging

Well, I have to admit, it was pretty freakin' hard. There were some days that I had no way to figure out what to write about. most days, it was about what had happened that day, or what was on my mind or what I was interested in at the time. I'm so excited to write about some things that were bugging me that day, but not all of that is on the blog. Most of the blogs I have written is about music, which shouldn't be that shocking to most people. I love music, and that was the main topic of most of the journals that I wrote. A lot of it was about concerts that I have been to, others were about family and what has happened in my life as thus far. Some were just crappy entries just so I can get it in. All in all, it was a good experience and I think it helped me understand the importance of 'writing for therapy'. Good job, Mrs. Anthony! :)

In conclusion, I also want to say one thing. I GOT A JOB AT THE CAMPBELL 16 MOVIE THEATER!!! The job I have been wanting since I was 16 years old! I'm so excited about it that I quit Taco Bell yesterday. Now I get to really work at a job I have been wanting and I'm so happy about it you have no idea. Yesterday was one of the best days I have had in weeks. YAY!

The Process of Making a PB and J

In my kitchen. :)

Going into the green cabinet on the right side of the stove, I pull out the container of Peter Pan peanut butter. Setting it on the counter, I go slightly right to my white refridgerator and pull out the grape jelly from the second shelf on the door. Pulling that out, I set it on the counter. Then, I go to the other side fo the stove and pull open the top green drawer and get a butter knife and bring it back over to my supplies. I don't have to walk much farther to the bread loaf since its pretty much already there. On my right side, the bread is stashed against the corner of the counter and against the refridgerator. I pull that open and pull out two pieces of bread and I first put the peanut butter on for a solid coating. Then, I take the jelly since it is a little bit more 'piecey' and it doesn't spread as well as the peanut butter does. I then close the bread and I eat it. :)

Favorite Food Dish

My favorite favorite food dish I have ever had, although it is not really a 'delicacy' or anything of the sort, I am IN LOVE with macaroni and cheese. It is absolutely crazy how much I eat that stuff. I think I eat it every time I get the chance. Even on cruise ships, when I was like 10 all of the way up till I was 16, I wouldn't eat the Caribbean foods that they were serving, I would get the macaroni and cheese. The Disney Cruise Line has the best macaroni and cheese I have ever had in my life. It is so amazing. I can't describe it. I wish I could have it again. Even Velveeta isn't that great! Although, Velveeta cheese and shells come next in line for me. Kraft doesn't make very good macaroni. It's kind of powdery and dry. Ever since I was little, I would have macaroni and cheese all of the time. But then again, I love a lot of things with cheese on it. That includes: burgers, broccoli, macaroni, crackers, nachos, tacos, anything. I LOVE CHEESE. That's the bottom line out of all of this. It is hilarious how much my parents just laugh at how much cheese I eat. It's like it's a complete mystery to them. But I love milk too, so that could probably be the reason there. I love a lot of dairy products in itself, but macaroni and cheese is the best. I LOVE PASTA. But pasta with cheese on it? Heaven in a bowl. :)

Macaroni and cheese doesn't take a rocket scientist to make. Fill a pot about three quarters of the way full and place it on the stove. Put it on high heat, and let it sit there until you see bubbles start to coat the bottom and rise up. When it starts doing that in a rapid pace, that is when you tear open the box (and take out the package) and pour the contents into the pot. Don't walk away from it! It may start foaming and bubbling over. Stand there and stir every two or three minutes until you feel as though the macaroni has softened enough and it is starting to thicken in the pot. That should take about fifteen to twenty minutes of doing so, maybe even longer, depending on how hot you have dared to make the stove. Then, you grab a strainer and pour the hot water and the macaroni into the strainer and tip it from side to side, draining the water out of it. After that is completed, pour the contents back into the pot. Now, depending on if you want the macaroni to have a bit of cheese juice, pour a little bit of milk in it enough to coat the bottom, or maybe more depending on how much you want. Then, you pour in the cheese and stir until it is thickened and coating all of the noodles. Then, dig in!

All I Know

Well, having my family down was quite interesting to say the least. I'm glad they are gone at this point, even though I really did miss them. I just realized how insane they were when they all came down here. I also found out that now that my cousin is now at the age, she thinks she knows everything. She has to point out the obvious and its cutely annoying. Oh well. This week hasn't been the greatest. Yesterday, I found out I had to work. I drove about 35 minutes to get to Strafford to get to my place of employment, only to find out they had no idea that I didn't have a shirt or anything, and they sent me home after telling me if I had worked that night, i would have had 45 hours worth of pay. THAT'S TWICE AS MANY HOURS AS I WANTED. So, apparently, their management got screwed up and didn't know how many hours I wanted. Oh well, it's okay. After I finish out this week, I'm going down to three or four days a week until the summer. Finals come first. I work tonight though, until eleven on line. I'm kind of excited, but I'm nervous since its supposed to rain all day until about nine or ten at night. Hopefully it remains that way and we aren't busy hardly at all and I can go home early, even though I have no school anyway. That will be amazing. But I need the practice on line making the food and what not. For all I know, we could be hella busy and my arms will fall off. I don't know. But my main concern tonight is driving on dark, wet roads in the middle of the night from Strafford to Fordland. I'm f***ing terrified!

Hopefully, everything will be okay. Even after that, I need some hope in my life.

Family

So, my family is coming down. My grandpa got to my house on Wednesday and it was quite interesting that I finally got to see him again. Now, tonight after school and work, my grandma, my aunt, and my three cousins are making their way to Springfield from St. Louis.

Can I say, YAY?!

I can't wait to see my family after so long and I'm so thrilled to see them. Darric, Danielle, and Darian are amazing cousins to me and I miss them so much. Danielle won regional cheerleading championships in Oklahoma City the other week and it was such an accomplishment for her. She's part of the best cheerleading squad in the Midwest! Darric, however, is still having about the same luck I am. He's pretty much stagnant in his life right now, and I can't wait for him to come down and spend time with me so I can actually show him a good time in Springfield. I'm so excited to see him. He's one of my best friends and I miss him so much. We were so close as kids, and we are only six months apart (me being the oldest). So, when I still lived in St. Louis, we were so close as kids. I miss having that quality time with Darric and Danielle. Darian, she's only five so she kind of annoys me a little lol. But I still love her to pieces. She's a sweetheart and doesn't bother me as much as Meadow does.

It's gonna be a fun weekend. :)

The 'What is a Place' Essay

Even though I whipped up that essay in about fifteen minutes, I really hope that it provided a sense of longing that I wanted to really project since I did my small brainstorming session before I wrote it. I wanted to make people understand how desperate I was to get back home, and away from all of these haunts that we have here in Springfield, where my mom got her tumor, where she got her pay docked, and everything got so much harder. I hope that it projected a lot of emotion into it and people understands what it is like to miss home. I'm sure that the reader will ahve some kind of relation to that but its very significant to me none the less. I miss the city life, even though I'm so close to Springfield. I live in the boonies of Springfield though. It's so hard to 'live' in the city when you LIVE in the boonies. I'm in Springfield most of the time though, but it still doesn't feel like home since I don't technically live in Springfield. I miss St. Louis so much, and I miss the crowdedness of it even though my parents definitely don't. St. Peters was technically my hometown, and I was born in Wentzville, but I moved out of Wentzville before I could remember so that was never home to me. St. Peters was, the suburbs of St. Louis. I miss it more than I can ever express to anyone, but even with that longing to go home, I want to call someplace else my home. Anywhere besides St. Louis, isn't it. I want to be able to call California my home one day, somewhere in SoCal or something. I don't know, I just hope life gets a little better for me.

The Taste of Ink

Well, there's nothing better than a writing prompt based off of the meaning of a song. The song is called "The Taste of Ink" by the Used. Here is a video for the song if you wish to see what it is about, but then I will write about it after the video has been displayed:



This song is about breaking away from the place you know, and getting sick of it, dying to get out of the same boring town you were raised in and desperate to get out and do more with yourself. This is what the song was about when the Used wrote this in Orem, Utah. I feel like that right now. I'm getting sick of the same old thing every day any day. I'm wanting to get out of Missouri in general and get a life started in the music business as a producer or manager, hell even a sound mixer. It doesn't matter. I need to get out of this state before I freakin' suffocate. I know some people must love this state but I hate the weather, and I hate the boringness of it. THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS STATE. I hate it so freakin' much it kills me. I can't wait to move out to one of the coasts or where ever the job takes me. Hopefully its not moving to the midwest. I hate it here. I'd prefer to move to one of the coasts, since I don't like most northern, and I don't like the Midewest, nor do I like Southern states. I love California, Massachusetts, or Washington. Mostly California. I'd love to live in Huntington Beach or somewhere in SoCal.

I can't wait. :)

Why Is Stan Lee Such a Genius?

Because Stan Lee is Stan Lee.

Stan Lee is the guy who created the Marvel comics. My Dad has been into comics his entire life, mostly Marvel, and so going through my life since 1991, he has also introduced me to the world of superheroes. I got into this topic because a friend and I were talking about it. X Men Origins is coming out on May 1st, and I'm excited for it. The origins of Wolverine and the previews look amazing, staring Deadpool and Gambit and Sabretooth along with everyone else. I'm thrilled to see this movie, and hopefully I get a job at the Campbell 16 before this that way I can take my dad to see it for free. ^_^ It'll be a good day if that happens. I only have a week or so until then so hopefully I get a call back after my interview tomorrow with them. I also discovered that they have a script for X Men Origins: Magneto. It's not Green Lit yet but I hope they do. It'll be interesting considering that Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch are Magneto's kids. SWEET!

Anyway, I'm gonna quit being a nerd now and go to bed.

Fun Smartie Class Thesis Statement

Smarties have a better value than chocolate in the way that they have essential vitamins, less sugar in a serving, and they have less calories in two rolls than in just one piece of chocolate.
With essential vitamins, it is a better Halloween candy or an every day candy for kids to eat. While kids are all hogwild over candy, that could be an incentive to have parents give Smarties to their kids rather than chocolate. It has all of those vitamins for their child, as well as less sugar intake. So, the hyperactivity may end up going down for the parental benefit! It is an awesome way to think that with that delicious tasting Smartie package, their child may not be boucning off the walls and annoying during the day and causing trouble, right? Another good thing, mostly when it comes to teenage candy intake and for adults, smarties have less calories in two rolls, which adds up to 50 calories, in just one piece of Hershey piece of candy. 25 calories per roll, that’s pretty good considering how many pieces of candy are in just one package. Think about that whenever you are getting a good sweet tooth during your diet. It won’t make you gain love handles like chocolate will if you overdo it. You can overdo your Smartie intake and still only have only taken in 500 calories!

Musical Conversation With Dad

So, Dad was watching Oprah last night and saw a bunch of country musicians on there. Yeah, I know, he does watch Oprah but whatever. I walked in on the very end of it to see Sugarland playing. Honestly, I hate them, and most country music. The only two other people they had on that show last night was Carrie Underwood and Kenny Chesney. They are good, but not my favorite, obviously. That's not what attracts me the most about music. So, Dad and I started to about the music and what not and how it had evolved since the sixties and seventies. Really, what started off the making of rock n' roll was Elvis Presley. That can't be denied, not by a long shot. He started to talk about what kind of options his generation has with music, especially during the eighties and ninties. I was very interested when he started to praise Kurt Cobain for being pretty much a godfather to a new generation of music. Nirvana pretty much greated the grunge genre out of Washington and that was amazing. He also started to talk about there was rap music that pretty much made everyone like him and my mom go to country music. There was a sharp divide in musical interest starting in the 80's because of hair bands, metal, the emergence of rap and so on and so forth. I was so happy to have a conversation like that with my Dad. That is the reason why I love music so much. There are so many good topics regarding it and a different genres. Dad was even talking about how there has only really been one band that had a gimmick and has survived for as long as they have, and that band was KISS. I couldn't deny that, but there have been so few bands that have survived since the 90's. One of those bands was Green Day, and they are still making music. That is awesome.

And also, which is a relief to me, I'm starting to see a decline in rap music since now that time has finally become so repetitive. I'm looking forward to a resurgance of hard rock and metal music like it was when Motley Crue, Guns n' Roses and all of those awesome 80's hair bands had their time and so on. It's going to be a great day when that finally happens. Hopefully it comes at the turn of the decade in 2010.

What Am I Passionate About?

Several times I have spoken about what I am passionate about. Most of the time, my passion is music. Although, I do have other things that I am passionate about. For example, writing. I love writing and I love books. I love to have that escape from life that cannot be accomplished by anything else. The book that has done the most for me so far has been the Twilight saga. I love the story of Edward and Bella, but also the side stories of Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle. I'm interested in that kind of stuff and it drives me insane when I don't get to do it. In fact, I haven't put my nose in a book in a while. I'm actually thinking about re-reading the entire Twilight saga again before New Moon comes out in November. That should be a challenge. I'll probably have time to read it four times over. I've already read Twilight I think four times already anyway. I've read the book "Eragon" by Christopher Paolini seven times due to boredom and quite a bit of obsession involved.

Anyway, back to music. It is definitely something that I am passionate about, because it has been there throughout my childhood. I don't remember a day in my life where some kind of music has been played. As a toddler, I would dance to Michael Jackson and Steve Warner, and I would stand in front of the television as MTV or CMT played on the screen. I have lived through it my entire life and it is something that has grown on me and saved me several times in my young life. I may be 18 years old, but throughout those eighteen years I have been exposed to so much creativity and compassion through lyrics. My interests have grown, shrank, and expanded several times. That is why I am going into the music industry, and trying to make a living there as part of the business part of it regarding management and producing, hell, even sound mixing or something along those lines.

For books, there are no words to describe how much books mean to me. I have been around those my entire life as well because my dad has always had a passion for writing children's books. He has attempted to write serious adult books but he hasn't been that type of person. He has the childish, playful side about him and he wants to go to that to get away from the adult problems he faces now. So, as a kid, he always read to me those books that he has written and I have always enjoyed them and dug them out to read them again when he wasn't looking. He has even asked me to co-write with him sometimes. I, personally, am trying to write my own story but because of everything going on, it is really hard to concentrate on it. So, for now, I dig into a book if I can. Like I said before, I'm going to be trying to re-read the Twilight saga and watch the movie and what not to get that 'obsession' back up again. I'm really excited for New Moon in November and Eclipse next June. There are no words to describe how much these two things mean to me.

The Heroin Diaries

No, I'm not on drugs.

I just wanted to talk about a book called "The Heroin Diaries" by Nikki Sixx, the bassist of Motley Crue. I haven't read it all, but what I did read was astonishing. I had heard about it because of the band Sixx A.M. was actually a band that made a soundtrack to this book. So, while up at Barnes and Noble one day, I looked for it on the back shelf next to the CDs, and I found it. The cover was very, well, I don't want to say disgusting, but more along the lines of elaborate. I turned the front page of it and saw some quotes. One of it was a lyric from one of Alice Cooper's songs. It said "Welcome to my f***ing life."

The Heroin Diaries is about Nikki Sixx's actual diaries that he kept during the late 80's when Motley Crue was really hitting it big. Either sober or inebriated, Nikki Sixx kept dairies to document what he went through. I think it started on Christmas Day of 1986. What I read was astonishing and almost disturbing, but I couldn't put it down. Nikki Sixx called it the life of a shattered rockstar. He definitely wasn't lying about that. Even in one part, he called his high self "Sikki". It was as if he were describing an alter ego, and it sent chills up and down my arms.

When reading this, I was glad that he turned his life around and now anybody who buys the book, a certain percentage of the income go to a charity that helps homeless children. After all of that, Nikki turned his life around for the better. His story was one of the reasons why I am a straightedger. I refuse to let myself and my friends end up that way. It may be their choice, but I want to someone be the detour that helps them make a better decision for themselves so they don't mess up later in life. That's what friends are for, right? I don't want to see my friends go somewhere where they shouldn't be. Being straightedge may get me a lot of stares and curious questions but that doesn't demean what I believe in. Sure, a lot of successful bands are alcoholics and drug abusers, but I think that it only progresses as they gain success, not beforehand. They may have STARTED doing it before they were a band but it gradually gets worse from stress and fame and money. That doesn't mean that if you drink and do drugs you'll get famous. Most of those people who do end up dying or becoming poor because they spend most of their earnings on beer and drugs. I'm not saying everyone, just people who get so deep into it where they can't resurface again.

Nikki Sixx's Heroin Diaries really did back up my beliefs in straightedge. I'm proud to be one and anyone can kiss my ass if they want to condemn me for it or make fun of me. I know I'm making the right choice. I want to keep my body healthy and my mind clear. I want to be able to be sober every day and live the life I was meant to have. I can feel physical pain when I fall, I can feel heartache when something bad happens, and I can also feel happy and excited whenever something great happens. I don't want to be drunk or high to experience a good time. I won't remember it anyway even if I did.

I want to remember every single day, even if it kills me.

The Nerd In Me Has Resurfaced

Okay, so, Dragonball Evolution came out today. During math class today my cousin Darric called me while I was in class and wanted to talk about it. Apparently, he saw it today. He told me that it was short but it was awesome. When we were kids, Darric and I used to love Dragonball Z. If nobody knows what that is, it is a Japanese cartoon that was very popular almost a decade ago. It was a long running series on Cartoon Network about aliens and what not and it had flying stuff and horrible fights and what not. So,they made a live action movie and I'm going to be going to see it with my dad tomorrow morning. I'm excited for it and really ready to relive my childhood again. I kind of miss the days where I loved the cartoons and what not and I really like to sit there and think back to those episodes. I want to see where they went wrong and right. My dad still does that, even with the things he had long stopped liking but still goes just to see what he liked in his childhood. Sometimes, he even gets the feeling back. I want to see what that's like, now that I'm older.

Kansas City Rockfest '09

Yes, I have a new event that I have yet to look forward to.

So, I found out the other day that Rockfest was at Kansas City on May 30th, and there are TONS of bands that are going to be there, including my current obsession "Rev Theory". Unfortunately, Buckcherry will be there, but they can be avoided since there are two stages. On Second Stage will be:

Drowning Pool
Loaded
Dope
The Parlor Mob
The Veer Union
Burn Halo
Crooked X
Federation of Horsepower

On Main Stage is:

Korn
Buckcherry
Shinedown
Corey Taylor
Theory of a Deadman
Saving Abel
Rev Theory

Out of all of these bands, I want to see:

Burn Halo
Drowning Pool
Korn
Shinedown
Theory of a Deadman
Saving Abel
Rev Theory

So that is SEVEN bands that are going to be there that I would love to get to see. I have already seen Drowning Pool, Shinedown, Saving Abel, and Rev Theory, but I would DEFINITELY go to see them again. I'm so excited about this that I am FREAKING out and getting ready to buy the ticket so I can be down in the pit if there is one. Burn Halo will be exciting since the lead singer is James Hart, the ex-front man of the very successful straightedge band Eighteen Visions. Synyster Gates also played in two of their songs. I'm so excited, and I'll be calculating the days until then!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hell Yeah!

Alright, so, this post is going to be about the opening band of the concert I went to on my birthday. They are called "Rev Theory". I had never heard of them before and I honestly thought that Saving Abel was going to be the opening band like they were last time in St. Louis when Rachael and I went there to see them. So, we were shocked to find this out that it was actually Rev Theory. When they played, I didn't know any of their lyrics, but their stage presence was amazing enough to where they got me holding up the rock on sign and dancing a little. I loved them afterward. Another perk of the performance was that the front man was absolutely gorgeous! I didn't know his name but they were offering their CD for 10 bucks and a signing after the show. I didn't go or buy the album but I will be soon. I later found out that they had to songs called "Hell Yeah" and "Light It Up" for the WWE RAW wrestling thing. So it was pretty cool that they were getting some recognition for that. I went onto YouTube after I got back from Topeka and I looked up their music videos. Absolutely awesome! And I found that the hot guy's name is Rich Luzzi. So, I'm completely and direly obsessed with them and I have them on repeat. :)

Oh, and I found out that I am going to Pointfest in St. Louis and Rockfest in Kansas City in late May. I'm excited. Rachael might be going to one of them.

Birthday Concert Review

Alright, this is going to be one really long blog post so I suggest you buckle up.

Alright, so I started off that beautiful Saturday morning as an 18 year old. I woke up at 6:45 in the morning but laid in bed until about 7. I got up and I practically flew through getting ready. I was so excited and Rachael was texting me all morning. I put my bangs up on the top of my head and straightened the rest of my hair, and I put my dark pinkish red eyeshadow on with thick black eyeliner. I wore my black Avenged Sevenfold shirt that had the deathbats on it that looked like the band, my pinstripe Hurley shorts with black tights underneath it with my Chuck Taylors. I was pretty much freakin' awesome looking that day.

My mom and I left for Topeka at 9:15 in the morning, and Rachael left with her mom about forty five minutes earlier than we did. We travelled for four hours, which was a little bit earlier than what she had planned. My aunt Jamie and my cousin Meadow came down from Kansas City to spend the night with my mom so she wouldn't get lonely or anything. We came through to Topeka, and it was really warm but it was also windy so it had a bit of a cold chill on it. Rachael and I had our posters with us. Mine said "Touch me! I'm 18 today!" and Rachael's said "I love Guitar Guys". We met some awesome people in the line too. We met a guy named Jesse, and two girls named Amanda and Amber. They were pretty kick ass.

When we got inside, it had just started raining so we had avoided the thunderstorms. Rachael and I managed to get next to the stage again with one row of people in front of us. I had managed to get in front of a really tall guy. Amanda, Amber, and Jesse were right next to us so it was an awesome little party going on. We had thought that Saving Abel was going to be at the concert, but it turned out that they weren't there. They were replaced by the band Rev Theory as the concert opener. They were really good and I saw the frontman, and I thought he was absolutely GORGEOUS. So, I knew I was going to be looking him, and his music up as soon as I got home (and I did).

The second act was one of my ultimate favorite bands, Papa Roach. Here is where it gets VERY interesting. They came out doing Days of War, and followed by Change or Die. Of course, Jacoby was absolutely hot in his vest and what not. Tobin was pretty sexy too as well as Jerry. Tony is just ugly all around. So, here is where it gets awesome. After "Change or Die" they did "Between Angels and Insects", and in the middle of his verse, Jacoby came over to our side of the stage and that is where I held my sign up for him. I saw him read it, and after he finished his verse, he screamed into the microphone: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!". I nearly fainted.

In the same act, toward the end, Jacoby came down off of the stage as he was singing "Scars" and got up right next to the barricade where I was. So, I dove over a few people and managed to grab a hold of his vest, AND run my hand over his arm. I freaked out. I touched the man that created this beautiful music and saved my life. I was thrilled. His arm was sweaty, but that was okay.

So, after Papa Roach came Buckcherry. Something I didn't mention before, I ABSOLUTELY HATE BUCKCHERRY. HATE THEM. And the most ironic thing happened. I discovered in line as some girls were coming through with a gigantic poster board that had "Happy Birthday Josh Todd" on it. I knew that something was wrong here. Josh Todd is the lead singer of Buckcherry, and he shares the same birthday as me. I was so pissed.

Anyway, Buckcherry came onto the stage and we nearly got crushed. Amanda got elbowed in the face and in the lower back and she ended up starting to cry. Some drunk guy also came up and started grinding on Amber. We all got mad and we got him kicked out of the place. It was satisfactory. Then, some drunk girl next to me kept screaming that I should help her punch some pregnant lady in the face. I just ignored her and let her go on her rambling. Her three hundred pound husband was squishing us in there too and it drove me up the wall. Buckcherry still sucked though, and that was one of the worst things that I have ever been living through. I was squished and couldn't move, and I was spending the majority of the time elbowing people and yelling at some douchebags.

So, after Buckcherry got off the stage, the crowd let up a little and some people had to leave the crowd because it was getting suffocating. Rachael and I suffered through it. Finally, our men were coming on the stage. Now here is another interesting part. As they came on the stage doing "Critical Acclaim" I lost my mind. Rachael and I were jumping up and down, screaming and doing our thing. We were right in front of Synyster Gates again, and we noticed he was quite a happy man for a Kansas concert. We later discovered that he was "frankly drunk". He said that later on before his solo. After 'Critical Acclaim', they did 'Afterlife'. During that set, I held up my sign once again once Synyster was back at his microphone. Once I held it up, I saw him squint to read it and he started to laugh. I freaked out again since he noticed it and thought it was funny. It's amazing what feelings course through your body as a fangirl.

Later on during the intermission of one of the songs as M. Shadows was getting ready to talk again, I held up my sign AGAIN. I wanted to get words out of all of my favorite guys, and Shadows was last on my list. HE READ IT. Then, since the crowd was going a little nuts, I didn't hear what he said. I saw his lips move and he laughed at it as well. Amanda and Rachael had grabbed me and started to shake me, telling me that he said something to me. I asked what it was, and they said that Shadows said "That's cute". I lost my mind.

Then, during "Beast and the Harlot", Rachael was scared about throwing a bra that we had bought from Walmart on stage. We spent eight bucks on a bra that we were going to throw on stage. So, I grabbed it from her and I chucked it on the stage. After the song was over, we saw Johnny Christ, the bassist, come over, pick up our bra and hang it on Syn's mic stand. The crowd started cheering and I was freaking out with Rachael. Then, Syn came over, took it off and threw it at a roadie. It was a good five second exciting moment. Also, during a song, Rachael held up her sign, and Syn smiled, pointed at her, and said "Thank you". She nearly fainted too. LOL

Since Synyster was drunk, he ended up knocking over his and Zacky's mic stand. Shadows started to make fun of him a little and it was quite funny. We also discovered, thanks to M. Shadows broadcasting it to the crowd, that a bunch of girls flashed the bassist. That was hilarious. At the end of the set though, Syn came over to our side of the stage, kncoking down things along the way and started chucking out the picks. I loved it, and we managed to get a picture of Jason Berry, one of the infamous roadies of Avenged Sevenfold, taking down Rev's drumset. Before we left, we also saw a gigantic stand that had bras and panties just piled onto it. It was funny, and we managed to get pictures of it.

We exchanged numbers with Amanda and Amber, and we left back to the hotel.

It was an unforgetable 18th birthday. :)

About February 17th, 2009

Here is another Avenged Sevenfold video for you. This time, it is their song "Critical Acclaim", live and made by some other girl that was at the concert. In fact, this was the concert I was at. I was on the other side of the stage three rows back. This was at the Family Arena in St. Louis. It's just amazing that nearly two months later, I am back again to see them again. I won't be modest when I say I am completely dedicated to this band. These guys are my heroes. And right there, M. Shadows, the lead singer, had suffered from food poisoning the night before and was hospitalized. He had to get three IV's put through him and it was a bad ordeal. We weren't thinking he would make it to St. Louis AGAIN (since they canceled on us as well during Pointfest in September). But no, they made it that day and I am so happy. I had seen them once before In Kansas City, then in St. Louis, and now in Topeka. I'm excited about tomorrow, more than anyoen can imagine. Things have been rocky lately and I'm in need for some serious thrashing and screaming out the lyrics that mean the most to me. These guys are definitely my heroes. It's like my birthday party with hundreds of other people with A7X as the main event. I just hope that Buckcherry isn't freakin' playing last as the main event. That would suck for me and Rachael, since we hate them since the Family Arena concert. They suck live. I don't care what people say, but they are just good for recording CD's, not live concerts. I was even apart of the group that started chanting for Avenged Sevenfold during Buckcherry's set! That's how bad they were, indeed. I'm more than excited. I'm representin' my boys today, so I'm definitely going to kick it as a Friday, and get ready for nearly a five hour road trip starting at 9:30 in the morning on my 18th birthday.

That's all for now. Chow.

Tomorrow. Finally. :)

A Bit of Hope Left In Me

Well, today didn't go as bad, but I did slip and fall on my butt at work today. It was kind of stressful since I had to stay about thirty minutes late. It was okay though. I almost ended up crying because I was in so much distress and pain at the end of my shift. Things were very wild but it went by really fast for some reason. I don't know why. It was a miserable morning and afternoon, but later in the night it did get awfully better, and I'm excited about that. Rachael came and ate lunch with me on my break, and I'm really glad to have a friend like her. Both of us are excited for Topeka, and we can't wait. Things will look up for me, I know it, especially when I have family and friends like this. It was just a really rocky yesterday and I'm glad its over. There were no tears today as far as I know and that's good. Just almost frustrated tears, mostly. *laughs* So, tomorrow is going to be a good day. A pizza party in my music class, a nice, flowey day in Composition, I hope, and Math class is just about survival of boredom. No computer class tomorrow, YAY! So I get a two and a half hour break after Composition, which is cool. The only thing bad about tomorrow is me getting up once again at six in the morning, and after school, having to go grocery shopping.

Ew.

2 days. :)

Life Never Seems To Get Better

What the hell is life, exactly? When does grace ever befall my family? Hardly ever. It's been tragedy after tragedy, mishap after mishap, and bad news after bad news for what seems like a half a year already. My mom's pay got docked 33% today, which means, we can barely pay our bills. My dad has to find a full time job to pay the rest of the expenses that we have. Is this God's little playground? I feel like I've been betrayed, and my family is being betrayed? I'm doubting everything right now. I feel like a Barbie Doll, just being moved around to fit some sort of sick storyline that everyone wants to hear about on the local news. My mom's job has been cut due to financial reasons of her company. Both of them have cried today, and in secret, my heart broke. I'm putting on this plastic smile that they seem to be buying only half of the time. It just happened today, around 2:00 in the afternoon to be exact. Nothing is really looking up for me right now. I will be 18 in three days. But what difference will that make? My family is still going to have to pay their bills with a shorter income rate. My job will still be there, and still continue to suck. I will still be in school, trying to achieve my dream job that probably won't even get me anywhere. I'm living on false hope right now. I don't have anyone to depend on when things get rough. Sure, I have Rachael, but she's got her own problems to really give two shits about what's going on with me.

Earth is Hell. I'm lost in my own little world and I'm stuck in God's playground, it seems like. Sorry for the religious people who are reading this, but that's how I feel. I feel like my brain is being torn apart, and my heart is being just ripped out of my chest because I am feeling numb all over. I don't have a lot of people to depend on, and seek shelter in a hug. I need warm happiness, not this cold, dark, empty hole that my family has been thrown into.

I'm angry, depressed, and absolutely miserable.

I don't have much excitement, when I say its three days until my birthday, and my concert.

2009 - Year of Good Movies?

Yeah, so, I think I may have mentioned this before. But I was sitting over at Rachael's house today just playing on teh computer and watching some DVD's, preparing for the concert, right? Well, she decided to get on Yahoo! Movies to see what movies were going to be coming out. We looked at the listings, and there are a ton of movies coming out in April, and I'm stoked about them. Nerdily, I am really happy that Dragonball Evolution is coming out April 8th. My cousin and I grewup on Dragonball Z in our childhood, so we're just going to see that for good times sake. And than there is Angels and Demons, Terminator Salvation, and I think one more but I forgot about it. Also, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince comes out in July and I am TOTALLY happy about that! I cannot wait to see it and the trailers look good for it. Rachael wants to see 17 Again, and I think that looks kind of stupid, but then again, I'm not a fan of comedies. I only like stand up comedians, honestly. lol I know I'm a weirdo when it comes to movies. Then, I discovered that the Twilight movie sequal, New Moon, comes out this year on November 20th, supposedly. And then in August sometime, G.I. Joe comes out. This year is going to be good, I can nearly smell it.

4 days! :)

Blah Blah Blah

Yep, there's nothing going on in my morning at all right now. I am currently listening to the lecture that Mrs. Anthony is giving us. It's kind of boring but that's what happens when you listen to lectures about research papers. She's talking about abnormal psychology stuff too. She's talking about interesting stuff right now though, about child abuse and what not. So, anyway, it's five days until my birthday and I'm completely stoked. I have to work tonight from 4 to 9 and I hope I get to go home early again .It's likely, since it is a Monday night at KFC Taco Bell. It really sucks since I have to work tonight and tomorrow morning, but they are both short shifts. I have never been so exhausted. Coming back from Spring Break on a Monday sucks no matter how good your classes are.

5 days. :)

School starts back up tomorrow...

Okay, so, we return back to school from spring break tomorrow. In a way, it's exciting, but in a way, I'm not thrilled. Mostly because the Monday that we return is going to be hectic since I didn't do any homework over the break. I have one computer assignment I'm going to have to finish when I get to school tomorrow morning after dropping my mom off at work. And I think I have two math assignments that are due Monday as well. It's going to be like, holy Jeebus. So, yeah, tomorrow is gonna suck. There is another reason for it too. I have to work, AGAIN. I worked tonight and it wasn't great. It was a bad day especially for the back liners. And I had to take the blunt force of all of the customer irritation with us. Sure, it's my job, but damn. And I have to work a five hour shift tomorrow, and then I have to get up Tuesday morning around 9:30 and be back into work at 11 for a four hour shift. Luckily, I have off on Wednesday, and I just have to go back to school for the morning, and I'm going to be heading over to Rachael's for a couple of hours to spend some time with her. Tonight wasn't great for her, since her dog ended up throwing up in the backseat of her car, and she was almost late for work. So, I kind of feel bad for her. Hopefully her day gets better, and I sent her a good text message, praying that she gets happier before she goes to sleep tonight. She's a great friend and its very valued.

Anyway, nothing much else to talk about.

Chow.

6 days. :)

Two New Albums This Year

Yep, I heard today that there will be two brand new albums coming out from two of my favorite bands out there: Three Days Grace and Atreyu. I am super excited for these to come out. I have been wondering why they had been off tour for so long. I didn't realize how long it has been. Atreyu hasn't been on tour since Taste of Chaos and that ended last May. Three Days Grace has been off the road for more than a year themselves too, and Three Days Grace is rumored to have their album out this year and I am thrilled about it. Atreyu is going to be going into the studio sometime next month and I'm excited about that too. Music has been dominating 2009 right now and I'm so excited. I mean, Papa Roach just came out with their album on March 24, and then Burn Halo will be coming out with their first album on March 31, and now Three Days Grace and Atreyu?! Holy God, I'm going to have a musical heart attack and I'm excited about it! So, honestly, I really don't have much else to talk about other than that. Other than I'm super excited about all of these bands coming out with new material, there's really nothing going on other than I have been sick all day and I had to call into work. I woke up at 4 in the morning throwing up, and my parents think I had minor food poisoning. Hopefully I'll feel good enough to go into work tomorrow, because either way, I have to go.

That's it, I guess. Adios.

7 days. :)

Days of War

Yeah, so today and last night I have realized that this is one crappy situation we are all living in. Watching the news, I realized how bad this is, how everyone is struggling and there is not a whole lot of happiness going around right now. Republicans and Democrats have been battling it over because of the Stimulus Bill and because the Republicans are not in power anymore, they are throwing a major fit and throwing accusations toward the Democrats. It's just not a great thing to see going on, especially in the midst of an economic crisis. So yes, these are days of war, but it is just sad to realize that the war is not only over in the Middle East, but it is also in the heart of our country. We are fighting amongst ourselves because of religion and politics and that shouldn't be the case. We're supposed to be a unified body, one of the strongest countries in the world and now we are starting to be overtaken by China and India. It's just sad to also watch people kid themselves by saying that we still are. It's not the case anymore, sadly.

That's just my small rant. I had nothing else to talk about.

8 days. :)

So...Papa Roach's new album...

Is made of pure awesomeness. I think Metamorphosis totally outdid the Paramour Sessions, and can possibly even rival the Getting Away With Murder CD. Well, not totally. I still think that GAWM is a better album, but Metamorphosis still kicks major ass when it comes to Papa Roach! I am stoked to see them live, and it is definitely coming sooner than I expected.

Well, you thought that this blog would be mostly about Papa Roach, huh? Nah. I don't have anything better to talk about so I'll just go through my day's events. I just got up this morning at 8:30, messed around on the computer some until my Dad got up and started watching the news and then started to play Super Mario Sunshine on the Gamecube. We are totally bored individuals when we get up in the morning. I just ate noodles for lunch and what not and then played on the computer and cleaned my room until I had to go to work at 4.

While at work, a girl that I don't really like got her job back after being fired for letting drugs interrupt her work at KFC. A lot of people wanted her to stay gone, but after she has gotten off of the drugs, she seems a little better, but we'll see. I highly doubt it but it's a possibility that she hasn't remained a complete airhead. Oh, and I also found out that when I go into work tomorrow, I have to bet here for when the auditor comes in! So...yeah, I'm completely SCREWED.

10 days. :)

The OCD is back!

OCD = Obsessive Cullen Disorder.

There's your daily definition. lol Yep, today I got the Twilight DVD, FINALLY. The three disc special edition that was on sale at Target for 18 bucks. Yepppp! So, I sat down at 9:00 tonight to watch Twilight with my Dad, because I wanted to prove to him that Twilight is nothing like Buffy and Angel, since he was completely convinced of it. Well, by the end of it, my Twilight obsession has resurfaced and I got my Dad interested in the series. So, a big plus for me. Now, I also have something to talk about at work with the rest of the Twilighters that are working there. We may end up driving people insane, but that's cool, I think. lol It's been that way for a couple of weeks since my boss, Amy, finally started to read the books and buy the shirts and stuff. She is really into it and I'm glad I have another Twilight friend. =D

So, I'm excited for New Moon. It comes out in November and the new director is Chris Weitz. He directed the Golden Compass and I really liked the movie so hopefully he delivers. The imagery and stuff in TGC was amazing and I hope that projects into New Moon with the creation of Volterra, Italy and the Volturi palace. I'm excited for this, you have no idea. Edward Cullen has got to be the downfall of an idealistic man, I swear to God.

11 days. :)

I Guess I'll Talk About Ninja Cats?

Viola. Ninja cat.

I don't know. I didn't know what to write about so I just surfed through photobucket and found this picture. It's quite hilarious, I think. Because of this picture though, it made me think of my own cat, Binks. She's acting like a dog for some reason, but she loves my dog Libby. She'll roll around on top of her feet, allow Libby to lick her head and so on and so forth. I mean, this cat is just nuts and my family knows it. I love Binks though, she is definitely my cat and I love her to pieces. She doesn't really like anyone else besides me, and will only sleep in my room if she can get the chance. Most nights she keeps me awake, like last night. She woke me up about four times with her mutant chirping meow. It's weird, but she's adorable. She's almost a year old now, in May. Before my mom went to bed, I saw Binks and Bella running down the hall chasing one another, their fur standing up on their backs and their tails puffed out.

So cute.

12 days. :)

Family Can Be a Drag

Yep, that is the whole point of this post: family. My mom's side of the family came over this weekend, just her sister (my aunt), my uncle, and my four year old cousin. The reason why this was such a big ordeal was because of the fact that my grandmother is a complete nutcase and now my grandfather is being dragged into the craziness. So, my little cousin pretty much worships the ground I walk upon (not being modest, I hate the hell out of it), and she wouldn't leave me alone the entire time. She kept on being stupid and doing stupid stuff and annoying me, but that's what four year olds do. But the fact of the matter is, that she is not potty trained, she is an attention seeker and she doesn't get her ass beat enough to make her mind anyone. That was the worst part about it. Then, we had to discuss the fact of the matter about my grandmother, and then my family is forcing me to be 'nice' to her, even though I hate her. I don't even acknowledge her as my grandmother anymore. It's just gotten that bad, and I don't care anymore.

Then, my friend Rachael came over and spent the night, working on our ideas for the Avenged Sevenfold concert and getting things lined up. It turns out, that we might now be standing in line for about four and a half hours, because my aunt and my cousin are gonna come out to Topeka and keep my mom company while Rachael and I are standing in line at the Expocenter. So that's some good news. Then, I found out she won't be back in time to go out with me on Tuesday to go get Papa Roach's CD and the Twilight DVD, because she has to go up to Minnesota to grab some stuff out of the storage garages up there and then bring it back down. She has to leave tomorrow at two in the morning and it is going to suck so bad for her. So, I won't really have much to do until Tuesday anyway, but that's not the point. She probably won't be able to text me all that much while she is on the road. :( Oh well, I'll live.

13 Days!

Another Typical Avenged Sevenfold Blog Post?

After last night at work, I really did turn to music once again. It's been a stressful week but its going to end up being a good paycheck. But I don't know if having a good paycheck, however, is better than keeping your sanity. That place is hell on Earth so when I get home, I just turned on the music to full volume and let it take hold again. That is the purpose of this blog post, to show you a live performance of the band that I will be seeing in fifteen days. Avenged Sevenfold's "Unholy Confessions" performance from Live at the Long Beach Center is what this video is. They are really an inspirational band and I love them to death. I can't wait to see them and I'm just thrilled to death. I saw some interviews and such from Papa Roach as well that has gotten me fired up for them since their album comes out this coming Tuesday. It's amazing.

I think about music most of the day, analyze and pick it apart to find out the meaning behind everything and what the lyrics mean and find out the riffs and the melodies and how the hell these guys are so talented. But the one thing I know for sure, is these guys are my inspiration to go to college and get into the music industry and work with all of these musicians. I want to learn how they do it and the technicalities of it. I'm so inspired and I'm so thankful that I get to see these guys live. They are amazing, no doubt.

15 DAYS!!!!!

Two Days Off From Work

I needed a break from work, but it doesn't seem like it is going to be all that great. I just have Friday and Saturday off, and then I won't have another break until the following Tuesday, when I get paid and when Papa Roach's 'Metamorphosis' album comes out, and when I will be getting my new cell phone plan. I'm excited about Tuesday more than anything. Saturday though, Rachael and I are going to be hanging out over at my house while my mom's family is over. It'll keep me from going insane with nothing to do but hang out on the computer. It's better than nothing, right? I'm completely broke until Tuesday but that's okay. 30 dollars will last me until then. 30 dollars will cover the Twilight DVD on Saturday as well, so I'm pretty excited about that. Then, after Tuesday, my next day off won't be until that Friday, then I work the weekend after that. And then finally, that last week, I will have shortened hours because of the Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I have off. That's because it is April 3, 4, and 5th - my birthday weekend! I will be in Topeka, Kansas so this next week and the week after is going to be nuts. Also, Burn Halo's CD is coming out so I have to purchase that on the 31st. I'm pretty stoked about the events coming up except for my stupid work schedule. I hate working at KFC/Taco Bell. It's hell there compared to most places. Hell, it even made me cry today when I got home. I don't know, I'm just beat right now and I'm looking forward to these next couple of days. At least I get to work with Rachael on Sunday morning, right?

By the way, tomorrow will be officially 15 days until my 18th birthday and the Avenged Sevenfold concert in Topeka. (:

Early Morning Madness

There has already been some drama going on today before I even arrived at school, or even at work. I'm supposed to go to that concert in Topeka on my birthday, and my friend and I want to get there quite a few hours early. Now, my mom is being unappreciative and hardly compromising by saying we need to leave a lot later than what Rachael and I were planning. It's a four and a half hour drive to get to the Kansas Expocentre, but it's going to be a nice, April Saturday and I'm sure a lot of people are going to be getting there early. I don't understand how that is not so easy to grasp with my mother. Sure, we can't go by ourselves but my parents are the ones who are paranoid. Honestly, at this point, I really wish my Dad would come just so he could keep my mom company and make sure that she has something to do so Rachael and I can get there early and stand in our line for four and a half hours like we want. I know, that's an insane amount of time, but its damn well worth it. I really wish that was the case but it turns out its not going to be that simple. I may have to make my way through the circuit and see if my Dad is willing to come with us instead of sitting in the house all by himself getting depressed for two days. I really want him to come anyway. I don't really feel like driving those four and a half hours but I have to do what I have to do, since my mom can't drive because of her seizures. This sucks so bad and I feel miserable about it. It ruined my day and now I have to see if I can fix it. If this dosen't get fixed and Rachael and I can't leave when we want to, considering it's my 18th birthday and it should be about me that day. Sure, I have to consider my mom but I'm bringing my laptop to play on and there's freakin' WiFi at the hotel that we are staying at. I'm considering her, but I really want this to be a good day. She does not need to ruin it for me...again. She thinks she knows everything about this but she's never been to a rock concert. Once, she has, but that was because she had to. She doesn't know what is really like. The concert that she went to was in the same place it was now, but it's not going to be like it was with My Chemical Romance. These four bands that are playing on the fourth have much larger fanbases than MCR does. She does not get the concept of that and she doesn't understand it. So, it turns out I may have to turn to my Dad for help on this one. Hopefully he understands what I'm trying to say. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. I'll just have to see. I just don't want this to ruin my day like it already kind of has.

Branson Landing

Yeah, Rachael and I decided to got to the Landing today. And I bought 90 dollars worth of clothes. Two pairs of shorts and a tank top. Yeah. Pacsun and Aeropostale would do that to you. My parents made me feel guilty but I needed the shorts. The only reason why I even got the tank top was to send me over 50 bucks. If I got over 50 at Pacsun, I would be able to get 25 dollars off of my next 50 dollar purchase at Pacsun so I did it. I was kinda excited about it but yeah, they are really short shorts lol. So, yeah, I bought those today. She got a bunch of shit too from the Landing and it cost her about the same price for the stuff. All day though, we were out and doing stuff. After we got back from Branson we went back to her house and played around with her camera and jumped on her trampoline, so that was fun. I was so wore out and right now I am so nasty from all of the sweat and dirt. So, I'm going to go ahead and take a shower. I just needed to get in my post for the day. (:

A Significant Event

The significant event that I will pick for this topic is the day that my mom came home from work with a severe migraine. It turned out, that migraine was a tumor that was beginning to pressure up against the side of her skull and make her brain swell. It was a significant event for me because of the fact that I came face to face with the realization that my dad could be a widow, and I could lose the person that gave birth to me. Sadly, I don't have a very good relationship with her, but I still love her as my mother. That November day was very shocking, and for the next half of a week, I wondered whether or not I was going to go home for good with my mom by my side. It was a hard realization to know that my Dad could have been left alone in the world, with only me and his side of the family to rely on. We have very bad problems regarding my mom's side of the family, which I do not care to relive in my own head or elaborate further on. It is too shocking and maddening to really say much about it without having a hot head for the rest of the day. It changed my outlook on life a lot, because that made me think not taking life for granted anymore. Cliche, but every day is not guarenteed. It helped me motivate myself to take charge of my life and really get a hold on what I want to do for the rest of my life and just do it and not wait any longer on it. Someday, I won't have time anymore. Someday, I will have a family. She helped me realize that, if it is one good thing my mom has ever taught me, it was the fact to cherish life because you may not know when you might die.

Another Concert Choice: Weighing My Options

There is another dilemma I must face. No, no boy troubles this time! It is actually concerning my decision on whether or not I should go to a certain concert tour: The Mayhem Festival. It's not until late July but I am really thinking about going. However, there is a problem with it. There are only going to be a few bands that I enjoy going, and the rest are kind of boring, or just local, or even a band that I just despise. That includes Marilyn Manson, the big headliner of the Festival. I really want to go there to see All That Remains mostly. It's a metal festival, which means there are going to be a lot of hardcore fans there, which there is only a few hardcore bands that I listen to. I really just want to see All That Remains, and maybe some Hatebreed live. I am completely in love with ATR and I just really want to see them. However, I don't know anybody else that I like that is going on tour, I just may have to see. I have 150 dollars to spend on a concert this summer and Mayhem Festival may be my option, depending on the other tours. Another problem I have come across is who would go with me. I can't go to a metal concert by myself, I'd get murdered. I just have to find someone that is into metal, but I don't know who. It's just a big dilemma and I still have yet to figure it out.

Drama Sucks!

I really didn't have a whole lot to write yesterday, so I decided to skip it for a reason. Well, yesterday night, I had received a phone call about something that happened on Wednesday. A guy I know from Rogersville had pulled some stuff at work the other day on a few girls, including myself, and tried to make up for it. He is getting on my nerves and I'm having trouble figuring out what is going on and how I am going to be dealing with those types of things from now on. I've been having a lot of dilemmas based off of my personality, my experiences, and how I interact with people. Everyone has their flaws, but then again, sometimes they aren't flaws whenever there is a reason behind him. A lot of people don't know what has happened in the lives of these people and they make assumptions and they accuse them of things that they have no control over. I have that kind of problem but I know it is hardly plausible, but its something that I need to work on and right now, it's in the process. My problem is that I am very judgmental over guys, and I get irritated at people who flaunt drugs and alcohol in public and make an ass out of themselves. It's very irritating while a lot of people just laugh at them. What irritates me at that fact is that these people just want to stand out in the open and make an idiot out of themselves while high on pot or acid or whatever they are taking, or drunk in public, and they have no worth in life. They make no progress or help for society other than just being stupid idiots and just making people laugh at them. It's sad really, that's why I don't laugh. I get irritated and I somewhat pity them and I'm also angry. It's a weird mix of emotions that I have yet to figure out. Sure, I may be intolerable to a lot of things, but there are reasons behind it. Those things, those reasons, are not available for anyone to know because that is part of a personal issue that I still have yet to get over. It's alright though. I think it'll be fixed sometime or another. I think that five years ago, when I had that issue happen to me and it was forever ingrained in my memory, it won't go away until I'm quite a ways away from a public school memory.

That's just how it happens, unfortunately. Drama just sucks.

The Importance of Concerts

Yeah, it's happening again. I suddenly had a random Avenged Sevenfold compulsion this morning when I woke up, preceeded by 3:30 in the morning nausia and a headache. Yippee, right? Well, all morning while I was sitting waiting for class to start, and after dropping off my mom from work, I sat on my laptop and just watched music videos on YouTube. Yeah, I know, it's an early morning for the computer but I'm used to it. I'm practically addicted to my computer because I love to type, write, and go on YouTube and Myspace. But that is not the point of this blog, what so ever.

Listen to me now. It is 24 days until I am 18, and 24 days until I get to see my boys again. I'm so excited to see Avenged Sevenfold and Papa Roach again, nobody has a freakin' idea. I found out a lot of things this weekend that hasn't been sitting well with me, and fights constantly with my parents and friends and having to deal with a bunch of people that I don't want to, and coming to a horrible realization about things. I need a release, and I need to scream my heart out to something I care about.

That is where this blog comes to its importance and main idea. Concerts, to me, are my stress reliever. This will be my last concert until probably June or July, maybe even August. If this is what I get until then, then I am content with that. It's amazing what a band can do when you see them live, in person, and see and hear the power of their music, and see their ability in person. At a concert, I am free to be as loud and obnoxious as I want and the best I would get is a dirty look. I want to be able to be as free as I want to be, to scream my heart out, sing as loud as I can without getting in trouble and dance around and head bang without getting an odd look, just a few people doing it with me. I want to be able to hear the chants of the crowd, wanting their favorite band to arrive out onto that stage. It's a strange, yet fulfiling and desirable feeling that I desperately want to feel again, even though I had seen them on February 17th, not even a month ago.

Because of everything that has gone on though, I think it is once again very well needed. I miss Avenged Sevenfold, and I want to see them again, and pump my fist hard in the air and scream as loud as I can. I want to feel the thrill of standing in line for several hours, and be able to laugh and have fun.

I just miss it, but it's coming in twenty-four days.

It's coming. :)

Shopping

It felt great to go out and shop today. It ended up being my friend Rachael and I just going out to Springfield and blowing most of our paychecks on clothes and such. We spent a lot of time looking at cell phones too. Speaking of cell phones, I'm going to end up getting a new one since the one that I have is pretty much a piece of crap. And Rachael has a new one. It is the Hint, and it is amazing. The screen is so cool and she's got a bunch of Papa Roach and Avenged Sevenfold stuff on it for upcoming concert in now 25 days! =D

But, anyway, back to the shopping. I spent I think about 90 dollars today on clothes, and they were all beautiful and cute. It'll just have to go through the public eye, and see how it looks on me. Most of it is just dressy stuff and I'm really looking forward to wearing them. It just needs to get warmer again so I can. Two pairs of flip flops to add to all of the clothes, and a belt. I am very excited though, so it's all good. Just decided to post a little tidbit on my day.

25 days until my 18th birthday/A7X show!

Love

Love is a word that crosses my mind a lot these days. But recently, I have been thinking about it hard. With everything that has been going on, I started to care less about it. But starting a few days ago, it started to come back to me again. I know I have a lot of maintenence and I have a lot of requirements, you could say, but that doesn't stop me from hoping. I know I really shouldn't be as extreme, but I don't want to get stuck in a rut. I thought about it over the past few days, and I realized I just need to go balls out on this. I'm a very shy person and its hard for me to meet people and talk to people face to face. Usually, I have friends help me out, but its really selfish of me to do that. It's just really hard for me to do that.

It's been a while since I've been on a date. I'm really looking forward to having my "knight in shining armor" one day. I can't wait for it to come. I can't wait to be someone's love, and have it in return. I miss that, and on most days, I feel like there is nobody to share that with me. Not even family. I guess that is just teenage angst. I guess what really brought the thoughts on was a song. Even though its about heartache and breakups, it still got me thinking about relationships and how it seems worth it to go through with one, even if it ends badly. I really need to get the ball rolling on it and compress what I feel about how people should act around me. I don't need to be acting so picky and give them a chance, but I do have physical, emotional, and personal standards for guys. It's just depending. If they are not pleasing to the eye, I wont' pursue them, it's just how it is for anybody. Sometimes, they could be baby-face cute, but sometimes it just turns out to be friendships. Because my dad is not a masculine man, and I think because of that, I have the need to be with a man that has more of a masculine feature to him. I don't know how that chemistry works but I think that's how it goes. I don't know. I just hope one day I make the right decision on someone and stick with them, no matter what.

I'm really looking forward to being able to cuddle with a boy, kiss him, hold hands with him, and do everything that a couple does and make it feel natural. I just hope its soon, because honestly, I don't want to feel lonely anymore.

"Watchmen" Review

All I can say about that movie is:

Oh. My. God.

Next to Batman the Dark Knight, Watchmen had to be the best superhero movie ever made. People had said that Watchmen was a near impossible movie to make and have it actually become good. Well, cinema had finally proven that belief wrong. That movie was intense, sexy, and kind of gorey, but it was all around amazing. It's not a movie for kids, not at all. It's more of an adult super hero movie. But, overall, the plot was understandable and the characters seemed so realistic. More or less though, the movie was very political. In the end, you expect one thing to happen, but it's not until the last minute of the movie that you understand what's really going to happen and what the true moral of it is.

The plot is in an alternate universe, but it is an amazing concept. Richard Nixon is still president and Watergate never really happened or it was made to believe that it was not his fault and he had escaped that. It was a truly amazing plot line along with the characterization. The characters included The Comedian, Dr. Manhattan, Nite Owl, Adrian Veidt, Silk Spectre, and Rorchach. In the end, Rorchach ended up being my favorite character. It sucks at how he ends up in the movie though. I won't spoil it though. :)

Video Blog!

Yep, I'm just going out on a wing on this one. I'm totally blank, so I'm going to add a video that I like and talk about it. And yes, it's music related. (:



This is the wonderful video that I have chosen for this blog. The reason being, is because not only is this an Avenged Sevenfold interview, but it was just the questions that were asked during this. I liked the fact that they get inspired by the most odd of stuff. It's really cool to know how people come up with stuff like that, especially musicians. To find out what they were inspired by and what for, just watch the video. I hysterically laughed at it. (: Proud to be an A7X sweetheart! (lol). Yeah, so this is what the blog is about. I admire these guys for being so creative and come up with these concepts out of weird stuff that nobody would ever think or imagine coming from them. It's kind of like me, but sometimes its not that easy. It'll only come once on a blue moon for me when it comes to something like this. A7X are amazing men, and they are absolutely amazing at what they do and how they do it and how experienced they are at their craft. People may call them sell outs and what not, but they can't admit the genius that they have behind all of these songs.

My birthday present

My birthday is not until April fourth, but the present I am going to get for it will definitely be worth it. My birthday is on a Saturday, and it just so happened that there was a concert in Topeka, Kansas on that day that had both of my favorite bands playing: Avenged Sevenfold and Papa Roach. So, my mom bought tickets and we're driving the six and a half hours to Topeka to be at the Expocenter that night. So, I will be turning eighteen with my two favorite bands. I'm probably going to end up crying that night. My special birthday is going to be spent at a concert, the one place I know where I can unwind and be myself.

My friend Racheal is going with me, and she's stoked too. I tried to convince my mom to let my cousin go but she wouldn't let him since he's all of the way in St. Louis. But, we're going to be getting at the Expocenter around 2 or 3 that evening and the doors open around 5:30. So, I will be in line when I officially turn 18 (I was born at 5:16 that night in 1991). So, I'm completely excited for what is going to be happening that day, and I want to be able to see Avenged for the third time, and Papa Roach for my second. It's amazing to know that I am going to be seeing them on my eighteenth birthday, when I'm legal!!!!!!!!

So, I had to tell someone, and a blog is another way for me to do so. (:

Feeling a bit better about myself

Well, I had to go to the doctor today to get a prescription refill. But, in order to do that, I had to get a physical and see my doctor and doctor's assistant for all the basic check up things. It was nice to hear that I'm pretty much healthy, I just need to do a little more exercise. Because I'm not in softball anymore, it's really hard to do that and I have to work and go to school constantly so I really don't have time for it, either that or I am just absolutely exhausted. So, I spoke to my doctor and got all of the check ups, and he asked me about my acne. I told him I was kind of uncomfortable with it and he offered me a prescription for some acne stuff, and I told him no since we were kind of short on money and what not. Later on, I found out my mom was okay with it but I didn't linger on the thought. He asked me later on if I had tried benzoyl peroxide and I told him I was allergic to it. So, it wouldn't have worked out all that great anyway.

But, the best part about this entire doctor's appointment was the fact I got to talk to him about my weight. For a while I have been worried that I was overweight for a 5'8", 18 year old girl. I got to talking to him about it and after a long conversation and speech about how 'he is resilient to telling me because of how girls my age want to have this certain number' and blah blah blah. I love food too much to be anorexic, was my first thought. But, he ended up finding out for me what my average weight SHOULD be.

And guess what I found out?

I'm in the range!

Someone my height and age should be from 124 pounds to 164, and when I weighed in, I was 157 pounds. So, now, my new goal for weight loss is to get to 150. It seems like a good number to me. So, to lose seven pounds is the new goal for me. I'll be so happy if I get to do it, but I'm starting to drink more water and eat more vegetables and stuff like that, and cut down on my soda intake. I'm getting there, it just takes some work.

Straightedge

No, this has nothing to do with math. I decided to dedicate a little blog post to my lifestyle, the one that I think that I will be dedicated to until I die. It's quite an unknown group of people and a lifestyle, but it's one that has good morals and a good reason. Before I give you the definition of what straightedge is, here is a small history:

Straightedge was coined by a band called Minor Threat in the 80's. They were a small punk band that was not really widely known. They coined it by making a song called 'Straightedge'. Here are some of the lyrics:

"I'm a person just like you. But I've got better things to do. Than sit around and f*** my head. Hang out with the living dead. Snort white s*** up my nose. Pass out at the shows. I don't even think about speed. That's something I just don't need. I've got the straight edge."

Got an idea of what it might mean?

If you don't, well, then I'm going to tell you.

Straightedge is the lifestyle of the abstinence of alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, and promiscuous sex. Anything that is harmful to the body is definitely a no. Sure, there are other things that harm the body, but it is pretty much general. Some straightedgers are very strict on the lifestyle and will not have caffiene, and some of them are even vegan. I discovered this a while back, but even before I knew what straightedge was, I was still abstinent from all of these things. I didn't want to harm my body and I knew what it could do to people and I didn't want that to happen to me.

The X's on the backs of the hands were also brought about in the 80's whenever minors would go to concerts, the security would put big black X's on the back of their hands to symbolize that they were not allowed to have alcohol. Eventually, that became the straightedge symbol.

But, then again, straightedge also has a bad rep. The reason for that is because there are people who are known as Negative Straightedgers, who are basically a violent gang. They do not do the drugs, alcohol and what not, but they are violent toward people they see doing alcohol and drugs on the streets. In some cities, when a police officer sees the X symbol or the word Straightedge tattooed or worn on the body, they would put as a gang member because of it, even if they weren't one. They could be what is called a Positive Edger, and they would be coined as a gang member. It's not fair, but it's the truth.

But I am proud to call myself straightedge, because I just think that drugs, alcohol, and random acts of sexual activity are disgusting. I want to live a healthy life and that's how I plan to be my entire life. There is no reason behind getting drunk and getting strung out for the sake of having fun.

Songs That Should Never Go Unheard

I got to thinking today about how people do not even know some of the bands that I have listened to, or heard of them but never heard a song. It's blasphemy! So, since I'm sure that there will be a few people reading this, whomever how random that person may be, I think its good to list a few good song titles and give my own reasons why. These are some of my favorite songs and they hold a personal identification to myself. Hell, some of them might even be on the playlist I have going on here. Well, despite that, here are some songs and the reasoning I have behind them:

"Scars" by Papa Roach
There are so much crap that I went through in my middle school years, and even in some points during my high school career that I had depended on this song to help me cope through what I was facing. After dealing with psychotic friends and a cancer-ridden mother and having to face the reality of what was ahead of me, this song was definitely inspired me to keep going, that I tried helping and doing what I could, but I can't be perfect. I'd do anything for my friends, but if they can't fix themselves and refuse to try, I can't do anything else. But it doesn't stop me from feeling bad about the things that I could have attempted to fix.

"To End the Rapture" by Avenged Sevenfold
Holy God. This song may only be a 1:26 song, but the only reason why this song should be heard is for the fact that is an ungodly awesome guitar solo, the drums are amazing, and the vocalist (one of the hottest men that could have ever walked this good green Earth) has an angelic voice that gives me chills every time this song plays.

"Trashed and Scattered" by Avenged Sevenfold
This never became a single, but it should have been. The chorus is unbelievable. Then again, this band never fails to amaze me in any song that they do and any record that they manage to put out. They have been around for ten years, and songs like these make them stand the test of time. The reason I love this song is because of the melody, as well as the lyrics. Sure, it may have the F word in it in a few places but there is a good underlying message. It's about standing up for who you are and not giving a crap about what others think. Although, I do think it has some drinking references in it, about drunkenness, but I think the standing up for yourself thing is a little bit more stronger in the message. The chorus:

"I won't be the victim, but the first to cast a stone
Sedated nights to the bar room fights as metropolis takes its toll
And don't you try to stop me, it's a place you'll never know
Don't try to judge or take shots at me, I'll never let you seize control."

"Seize the Day" by Avenged Sevenfold
Okay, another Avenged Sevenfold song, I know, but I am completely obsessed with them. But, this song in particular, was written by the front man for his girlfriend (now wife). It's a song about how much he loves her, and how the thought of leaving her is dreadful to him. It's a song that I care so much about, and that I will defend with my whole heart, because I want this to be a song for me and a significant other one day. I want to have that happiness, and know that I will have someone that I can rely on that will be there for me in a deeper meaning than just a good friend. But, I am a very picky woman, and a very rare occurence, because I am a non-drinker, non-smoker, non-druggie, and non-partier. I'm very simple, and I find fun in very odd ways, no matter how random and retarded it may seem. This song just relays the feelings I want to have toward someone one day. I want it to be like almost the background music for a good relationship I want to someday have.

"Second Chance" by Shinedown
When I first heard this song, thanks to my little cousin, I was hooked onto it. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It made me cry several times before it became engraved into my memory and I could sing along with it. It had a special meaning to not only my cousin Danielle, but in a way I could relate to it as well. Because sometimes, I feel like I'm a failure to my family but I'm willing to pick up those pieces and show them and the world that I am something better, that I can achieve my dreams and do what I want to do without any regrets. Sometimes though, I wish they would understand that this is my life, and I really need to be let go, despite if I am their only child or not. I know it may be hard for them but I feel like I need to be let off the leash and do what I need to do to get where I want to be in life. That's what the song is about, and hopefully anyone who listens to it can find some kind of relation to how it feels.

Right now, that's all I have. Maybe later down the road when I actually have a song that gets close to me, I will recommend a few more. But those are the few that I really do have a deep meaning to at the moment. So, hopefully there can be a message relayed here, and a bit of a 'lesson' into my life and how I think about things. Adios. :)

Topic Starters - First Post!

Well, since I can't find my little writing territory things and it would be kinda hard to type them up here anyway, I'm just going to list a few that could probably reference me later on. I'm going to be doing it by word association. Hopefully this will suffice.

Music
Avenged Sevenfold
Dueling Guitars
Riffs
Lyrics
Writing
Pencils
School
History
Greece
Sparta
Battle of Thermopylae
300
comic books
Watchmen
Marvel
Stan Lee
Fantastic 4
Johnny Storm
Fire
Wood stoves
Winter
Snow
Ice
Freezer
Pizza Rolls
Junk Food
Brownies
Chocolate
Hersheys
Pennsylvania
West Chester
Bam Margera
Jackass
Television...

I could go on forever but there are a few topic starters. That's how I usually come up with something to write with anytime I'm doing any free writing activity if I'm that stuck on something anyway.