What the hell is life, exactly? When does grace ever befall my family? Hardly ever. It's been tragedy after tragedy, mishap after mishap, and bad news after bad news for what seems like a half a year already. My mom's pay got docked 33% today, which means, we can barely pay our bills. My dad has to find a full time job to pay the rest of the expenses that we have. Is this God's little playground? I feel like I've been betrayed, and my family is being betrayed? I'm doubting everything right now. I feel like a Barbie Doll, just being moved around to fit some sort of sick storyline that everyone wants to hear about on the local news. My mom's job has been cut due to financial reasons of her company. Both of them have cried today, and in secret, my heart broke. I'm putting on this plastic smile that they seem to be buying only half of the time. It just happened today, around 2:00 in the afternoon to be exact. Nothing is really looking up for me right now. I will be 18 in three days. But what difference will that make? My family is still going to have to pay their bills with a shorter income rate. My job will still be there, and still continue to suck. I will still be in school, trying to achieve my dream job that probably won't even get me anywhere. I'm living on false hope right now. I don't have anyone to depend on when things get rough. Sure, I have Rachael, but she's got her own problems to really give two shits about what's going on with me.
Earth is Hell. I'm lost in my own little world and I'm stuck in God's playground, it seems like. Sorry for the religious people who are reading this, but that's how I feel. I feel like my brain is being torn apart, and my heart is being just ripped out of my chest because I am feeling numb all over. I don't have a lot of people to depend on, and seek shelter in a hug. I need warm happiness, not this cold, dark, empty hole that my family has been thrown into.
I'm angry, depressed, and absolutely miserable.
I don't have much excitement, when I say its three days until my birthday, and my concert.
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